​Dear Hopefully Packed Pants,

The right type of gear often depends on a few things: location, circumstance and how much stuff do you want to carry.

Now, location can tell you a lot of things. For example, if it is by a beach maybe some floaties (you know you need them, don’t be judgy) for the less aquatically-adept adventurer. If your location is in a volcano, perhaps extra bottles of water and a good fire blanket. Circumstances, if known, can help you prepare big-time. Are you going to be fighting trolls? Bring an axe or mace. Perhaps you are going to chase down some undead - make sure to bring your wards and something blunt. Or maybe you are going to hunt down some dragons? Bring fire-resistant pants, a fire extinguisher, like twenty friends and don’t touch the mimic... 

Of course, "how much stuff do want to be carrying" trumps all else, because basically you only need to carry these basic items to adventure (although more things make that adventuring easier). Basic items include but are not limited to: weapons, clothing with reliable shoes, water, suitable shelter if overnight, basic spell components, and of course a buddy…..I mean, I always find questing with a friend essential. But if you are asking me what I bring on a quest I can give you a few pointers (without revealing all my bag of tricks):

1. Weapons of various types. A main weapon I want to work with or I think will be helpful, plus a back-up set in case of boulders and such. I try to have a magic sword or someone with me with the ability to swing such things as well as various other weapons that do special damage. Silver, axe, mace, lava-infused fire sword...you know, the basics.

2. Rope. Rope is super-useful and often overlooked. I know people with those circle-type spells all tend to have or carry it but do you? You can do all kinds of things with rope such as: lower yourself safely down a pit (because your buddy with regeneration jumped down the pit to see what was down there…it's nothing… almost always nothing). You can use the rope to tie up nonstop regenerating monsters - you know, the ones that won’t stop getting back up no matter how mushy you make it. You can use rope to fish lost equipment that made its way into the (river, lava, floating in air bubble in the black pit your friend jumped into etc). Rope has a bajillion uses, so carry it.

3. Various spell components people might need. Let’s face it, our friends are forgetful and often do not have the necessary material they need to cast spells **cough** Siff and his familiar **cough* *cough** It never hurts to carry things such as an extra pouches, beads, light spell magic stick thingies, ROPE (:^D), extra focuses, extra cloths for wiping things (faces, weapons, noses that get runny), labels for those alchemists who mix up their bottles (trust me, you want to know the difference between a potion of life and a potion of love).

4. Nets…..for catching things. That’s it, to catch stuff: monsters, fish, meat for dinner, a bandit in the night - you name it.

5. Something that can start a fire. It gets cold people, fires in the middle of a scary woods while adventuring is not only warming but can also help keep wild Gangololi’s at bay (don’t ask). Also, you may just need something to light ritual candles for that extra pizazz - in my experience, gods don’t like non-lit rituals so make sure your ritual is lit as the kids say.

Other than that, it will really come down to the first three things: location, location, location…er, I mean location, circumstance and willingness to carry lots of stuff.

Remember, it is like Sir Lord Nymbous O’Leary always says: “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and always have someone else to blame.”

Hope this helps…sorry if it doesn’t.

Love Always,

 Sir Syruss O’Leary

Knight of the Blue Rose
Knight of the Potentium
Detective extraordinaire
Love Guru
All-around good guy

How do you live, or unlive if you have Embrace Death, with yourself? How do you sleep on 
your silk mattress washed with the BLOOD OF UNDEAD WORKERS BARRED THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS? Why are my people not offered the barest modicum of civil rights when you take them out to the barley plantations to work from 8 to 7! At least let them nibble on some brain on a lunch break or something. You monster.

Respectfully Hate You
Baron Von Dead Guy
************************************************************************
Listen here you whiny little Litch,

I’ll have you know I don’t use the Undead in Neden for anything. In fact I kill as many as I can as often as I can.
Those gross zombies make more mess then they ever clean. The rest of Neden is actually quite nice to the Un-dead workforce. Priest Z helps them with religion and Ideology and makes them feel very included in all the blood rituals, Jean Baptist is always having them come down to help in the kitchen (for some reason we need to replace all the kitchen volunteers) heck even Siff uses them to practice his Harlequin stand up comedy routine (Now those are some unfortunate bastards).

As far as working them in the field all day, I agree, we should not. Do you know how hard it is to keep a large mass of zombies on task? Especially when there are always wayward adventures walking around like a take out mutton shop. We barely get anything grown in the fields the sanitation process to make sure the stuff they did touch and or handle takes more time and effort than it would if we handled the gardening ourselves.

Not to mention they are the worst drunks. We have to kick out a un-dead hooligan at least twice a week at The Old O’Leary Hump House and Bar (Neden’s Bar and Breakfast Joint).

Last week ol Swoop was visiting Jean Baptist and these two real uggo undead walked in mumbling something about Brain-tini’. Jean Baptist was trying to decipher what they were saying while Swoop was trying to get them some pretzel’s.. “BRAIN-TINI” the disgusting duo kept screaming, I said “We don’t serve brain here fella, how about one of our award winning apple-tini’s?”

Well let me give you a bit of advice if you offer a Zombies anything but a brain related item prepare for odd looks and angry yells.

Well these two mammoths instantly snapped, one zombie picked poor Swoop up over his head, and military pressed him through our nice stain glass window that Sarix just made (you try casting repair item on shards of glass). Well Jean Baptist wasn’t having any of that.  He started mumbling something then his eyes turned red (not unlike Lord Nymbous's after 4 or 12 Appletinis) and the two huge Monstrous Menacing Maniac Un Dead Meat-bags eyes turned blue; Then they did the strangest thing, they looked at each other mumbled and the head-butted each other till the both were dead. Well JB’s eyes turned back to normal he collapsed in the bar stool and ordered a Milk (Who does that?), he then curiously looked around asked what had happened, and reflected upon how we should really fire the undead cleaning that place.

Moral of the story here, they never clean this place. Like, ever.
Un-Dead rights psssshhhhhhh….Be afraid of the ever growing mass of zombie creating murderers.

Hope the is information helps sorry if it doesn’t.

It’s like Lord Nymbous always says: “Lifelessness flows through your veins you are mine and this shall remain your will is mine your body obeys in my service your corpse remains now get up and go to work I and behave your self clean that castle that doesn’t clean itself. Rise my undead and go wash the windows”

Love Always,

Sir Syruss O’Leary of Neden
Knight Of the Potentium
Question Master Extraordinar
Knight of the Blue Rose
Order of the List
All in all not a bad guy

Dear Syruss,
I am a guard of the gates of the city of Ivory, so thus my love could never be. With name so Soft, and heart so cold, how could I ever be so bold? I would say till death do us part, but death may be what wins his heart. My shining flower, my perfect dancer; my own true love, my necromancer. How to choose between my career and my duty to this holiest of cities, or my own profane desires to be his undead minion?

Also I’m not sure if he knows that I exist.
~Guard #69, City of Ivory

Dear Your to short to be an Ivory Guard,

First off Ivory has love laws…. Disgusting

Second you must be a new reader or you would have noticed my last passion filled question about the bearded guy and the Creathorne chick that was super shy but I bet had some awesome qualities. ( I am not mocking Creathorne Sir Sean I love you please don’t send angry ravens)

Well If you are too busy to look back through the archives or just wanted personal bit of advice from The Sy Guy then your in luck because I love love.

So you career focused and that is messing with your desire for this other being. Well consider this Love and careers go hand in hand.

Whether or not to put love or a career in front of the other is personal preference and each has its own benefits and consequences. But, experts says that relationships and careers often feed off each other. For example, some workers might be so focused on advancing his or her career that they end up stealing time from their relationship. But, a good relationship can actually be a boon to work, she says, providing support, steadiness and insight. Now in your case you Career directly effects whether or not you can be with this person.

This reminds me of this other couple I helped lets call them Roger and Julia well replace career oaths with feuding families and basically we have you #69.

It comes down to this do you honor your Vow and Oath to maintain the piece and holy light stuff of the goody to shoes Aurora is that Oath still your love? Your passion? Would you be happy doing something else as long as you were with this person?

If you think that this person is your new Passion then you owe to your self to at least explore that.

Maybe try getting this persons attention first (using my awesome tips from last week)
Then see if you too are a match. Why throw away a career you at least at one point in your life loved for a stranger you don’t really know.

Now if it turns out you two guys are a match made in the ALL then by all means throw caution to the wind and explore my friend explore these feelings.

Let me know how this turns out.

And remember its Like Sir Nymbous O’Leary says “ Hey Syruss we are our of whisky you jerk."

He does not always speak words of wisdom.

Hope this helps sorry if it doesn’t, Cheers!

Sir Syruss O’Leary
Knight of the Potentium
Know it All extraordinaire
Helpfully Mostly

"Dear Sir Awesome Syruss,

New reader and first time writer….. Speaking of firsts, this will be my first UCCT and I'm nervous I won't fit in, and will fail at the gift swap. What advice do you have?

Concerned in Clontarf
PS: my wife is a huge fan"


Dear No Need For Concern Bat Syruss is here,


My advice for gift-giving is simple: get to know your target. Now Lady Twenaria does a great job collecting information about each individual. Things like: favorite color, food, special wish if they could get anything in the world. She also gives you the "no-no’s" of each person: foods they hate, items to avoid, least favorite color, people they think smell the worst (just kidding)... anyway, she provides an array of info so that you can tailor-make a special gift for your target……ahem, I mean secret santa……

You want to, or at least I try to, include something from each aspect of their desires. If they want a shield, love the color red and always wanted a unicorn bear you might consider making them a shield with an artistically decorated unicorn bear cover.

Either way you can’t go wrong with something personal and from the heart.

Remember it’s like Sir Nymbous O’Leary says: “The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value.”

I hope this helps, sorry if it doesn’t

Love and Seasons Greetings,

Sir Syruss O’Leary
Order of the List
Knight of the Blue Rose
Knight of the Potentium

************************************
"Dear Syruss,

This is my first Uncle Cecil’s that I will be of the legal drinking age my Elf species (and everyone else) requires. Since it’s my first Rodeo, my first time to the dance if you will, I am going to be sticking to eggnog and whatever seasonal drinks are provided.

So my question unto you, as a Champion of Min and an all-around Party Animal (I heard you may be Gavin's spirit animal) is: how much eggnog is too much eggnog?

Your long time-reader,
Doesn’t want to Get Egg-nauseous"

******Twen, Lucas I don’t think I can answer this…….I mean, I know I am the questions guy….you're right it is my job but………….Ok Ok Ok Ok just put the sword down and I will get to the question**********

Dear Are You Sure You Have the Right Guy,

You can drink, HURRAY……..Now advice on how to do it…hmmmm  lets see, and you don’t want to over-do it….hmmmmmmm I’ll tell ya this is a toughy. I think the best way to handle this is to treat Cecil’s like an office holiday party and follow these simple drinking around your co workers.

Set your limit before the event. This will help you resist the temptation to change your mind when you are actively attending the party. Now your taste buds, you know what you like to eat as far as sweets, food, beverages etc. This also applies to alcoholic drinks, If you hate apples (and who hates apples) stay away from apple-based booze (like the famous O’Leary Cider coming to an Uncle Cecil’s near you).  Take advice if others tell you to stop…..Seasoned Drunkards…..I mean, seasoned members of the League of Gentleman will be at Cecil’s and their collective knowledge is both impressive and terrifying. Not only will they all be there, they all love to talk about their expertise. So don’t be afraid to take their advice, whether it is "try this new drink" or "stop having drinks all together."

I personally follow the rule of "drink all the whiskey you can," and this has always worked for me.

Decide what will work for you.

Also try the cider!

Remember it’s like Sir Nymbous O’Leary says: “The one thing I don’t like about Office Holiday parties……is looking for a job the next day.”

I hope this Helps sorry if it Doesn’t

Love and Seasons Greetings,

Sir Syruss O’Leary
Question Master Extraordinaire
Order of the List
Knight of the Blue Rose
Knight of the Potentium
Forced to answer this one responsibly by The View from Valehaven Editorial Staff


******************************
"Dear Sir Syruss,

I am afraid I may have not been the best little adventurer this year. I may have:
3….2…..1...

Broke my sword on Kyntela's head,
hid a frog in sisters bed,
made fake currency out of lead.

Somebody snitched on me

I made Swoop eat a bug,
stole some gold cause I’m a thug,
peed on Malaki’s favorite rug

Somebody snitched on me

O I think that the Krampus will get me,
Sir Vawn thinks that my actions are bad.
O I think that the Krampus will kill me,
So my question is how do I handle that???????

O I won't get gifts from Father Yule,
Somebody snitched on me.
I’m sure the Krampus planned something cruel,
Somebody snitched on me.
Next year I’ll be going straight,
Next year I’ll be good just you wait.
I’d start now but it's too late,
Somebody snitched on me.

O I think that the Krampus will get me,
Sir Vawn thinks that my actions are bad.
O I think that the Krampus will kill me,
So my question is how do I handle that???????

Love,
Naughty not a Neden Guy"


Holy Snowmen and Stocking Stuffers you are in a pickle,

Son, Krampus is like one of the scariest things I have ever gotten in a headlock, and let me tell you what a stench. Your best bet is to hide, hide like your skin and bones depend on it, cause you know, it does.

Or you could assemble an elaborate Sir Rubus Goldberg machine, with string, a big X and some sort of net…..but you're going to need someone even naughtier than you for bait. Which using someone as live bait might bump you back up to the top of the naughty list.

Man, I don’t know what you are going to do.

Are you an Order of the List winner? Because we are the toughest guys on the block I’ll tell you what….. or maybe you are a Blade Master, or a Champion of Queen of Hearts winner? All around tough person (girls are just as tough as guys). At any rate you are going to have to be one tough Ginger Bread Cookie if you are planning on going Toe to Toe with the Beast of the Snow.

Your best bet and I may have said this is: Don’t blink he’s fast, if you blink you are…….Sorry, wrong speech.

Run Not a Neden guy. Run for your life.


Remember it’s like Sir Nymbous O’Leary says: “Krampus…THE KRAMPUS... oh man he’s fu*ked.”

I hope this Helps sorry if it Doesn’t

Much Love, and Run for your life,

Sir Syruss O’Leary
Order of the List
Knight of the Blue Rose
Knight of the Potentium
Not on the Naughty list (this year)

Yo, Syruss!

Why the hell can't every race speak COMMON?! I mean, English. Okay, so what I'm saying is I don't understand why people feel a need to have accents, or even speak in a different language in our GAME. Especially since people do accents so terribly. Does it even help our culture/atmosphere, in your opinion?
- Class Act -----

Dear Classy Correspondent,

I have traveled far and wide, over mountains and beyond the sea. I have encountered many different dialects and accents along the way. From the mystical speak of the Teng Huanese to the grunts of the Orcish Clans beyond the great sea. Each one different, unique, special, silly, and sometime impossible to understand.

The two mysteries that go with this:

One. How do they all speak two languages? Sure, people can speak multiple languages but is there a school for the Common tongue in every land? Or perhaps it is a requirement in middle school before you can go on to learn Farming 101 or Farm Raiding 102.

TWO. Why most people don’t speak in their local tongues with other similar creatures? I feel there may be multiple dialects that cause a language barrier. Or perhaps they are making it up as they go along.

Either way it’s important to note it is our diversity that make these lands so magical. What we all bring to the REALM that makes it this colorful place that we love to roam. If we were all copies of one another how much fun would that be?

So learning another language isn’t for you and sure maybe those foreign Ogres sounds like garbage and tip terribly but let us celebrate those differences not get all the villagers and riot on those stinky tipping Ogres.

Remember you don’t have to like it but don’t be a jerk.

Love,
Sir Syruss

This one was short so here is a bonus one.
________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Sir Syruss,

The active sweaty mind wants to know: "talcum or wicking shorts? Hug the lugs or powdered donuts?" How do you fight off the monster chaff-age?
-Sir TMI

Well Mr/Mrs Personal Question,

The smart play is both……..
It’s like Sir Nymbous O’Leary always says: “If you can’t stand the heat don’t go to the Wastes during summer time….Seriously, your nuts will stick to your leg like a Saurabian Slime Monster.”
……Well they can’t all be insightful...

Good Night Everybody!