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Sir Syruss Says!

Sir Syruss O'Leary is a seasoned adventurer with over 10 years of experience slaughtering undead and charming the ladies, beating up bad guys, frustrating good guys, wreaking havoc and causing mayhem in more flavors than your local iced cream shoppe. So if you have a question no matter how bizarre, weird or funny consider asking the man who loves to tell you how to live your life.

As a member of The Order Of The List, Sir Syruss also runs "The Pit". This training ground is where anybody who needs to hone their fighting skills goes to improve. When not answering your questions, Syruss also writes "Tips From The Pit". This will include anything from Simple posted tips to video tutorials. 

To read archived ask Syruss, click the button below. To ask the man a question, fill out the form at the bottom right 

Ask Syruss on The View from ValeHaven

“While the Boys are away their items will play” A tale of Ruffians and Robbery by Sir Syruss O’Leary of Neden

6/12/2018

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Long rides…Man I hate long rides, it always makes me anticipate the activity to a level of a neurotic state. Things like when will we be there, how long has it been, will there be enough fun activities to make this trip worth it all rush through my head. Thing about long trips they always make you think...
The Road from Neden to Rhiassa is mired with undead, trolls and bandits looking to make a quick score. You add that danger plus all this rain…(it always seems to rain during my flashbacks.. that and it’s always black and white).. then it is easy to see the Neden Boys were going to run into trouble.
The pitter patter of raining on top of horses galloping and wagon 

wheels turning can be somewhat euphoric, it can settle your soul like a new mother rocking a babe to sleep. It can  cause you to drift off in a not-quite-awake not-quite-asleep phase that leaves you peaceful but vulnerable.

**CRACK KA BOOM** thunder and lightning strike the horizon lighting it up like a Northern Fire in the sky, brief glimpses of daylight on a wet lake of a day as our petitioner Gumbo likes to say.
**BOOM CRACK CRASH*** that wasn’t thunder!!!! Sir Naj yelled.
I poke my head out of the carriage to see what the hubbub was all about. My Good friend and Neden’s petitioner and dutied carriage driver was pulling over the head cart to avoid another Magical Attack.
Up a head was a Floating Dragon being controlled by Two handsome looking Bandits  

It was the famous Miguel and Tulio!!!! Corsican Pirate Captain Tommy Diceni had just put a 100 Doubloon reward for their capture. The poster however did not mention Two Fighters casting spells, nor did it mention them owning a dragon, nor did it give any indication how they knew which route we were taking.  Our routes are selected carefully by Lord Nymbous O’Leary to assure our arrival at gatherings with all our Treasures “intact”. A word here that means together in the chests we put them and not in the pockets of bandits.

“Bandits but when did Bandits get so jack up with cool spells?” Dresden yelled **LIGHTNINGBLOT*** Dresden through his lightning-bolt with half assed precision but it was quickly absorbed by Tulio and recast at Ditched….Ditch who was completely caught off guard was thrown through the air and crashed into a near tree.

“Hey I know that dragon” Jean Baptist exclaimed! “That’s sparky but he should be in the castle in Lords Museum. There is no way they could have robbed that the magic Circle is “impenetrable” except by our curator. Impenetrable is a word that it this context means unable to open to be opened…unless you’re undead…or if I er um forgot to lock the Museum. With quick thinking JB got a magic ball from his pocket.

“I hate those” Grebinar said while gleaming at Jean Baptists hand. With that said Jean Baptists the Wonderful hurled the all his might at the dragon. The Dragon with Fear in his eyes tried to avoid the Ball. But as was his fate once, so it was again. The ball hit the dragon square in the mouth, like my bookie usually does after welching on a few bets; and just like I do when my bookie hits me the dragon went down…..Well actually he was caught up in swirling red light then sucked into the ball using some sort of demon size magic.
**Jean Baptise looked pleased with himself and murmured something inaudible to the ball****
That just left us with these incredible handsome and sharped dressed Banditos.
“Hey you in the top Hat” Sir Naj yelled at Miguel. “NICE HAT!!!!” **Naj said with an angry look in his eye***
“Um thanks…I kind of stole it…do you really think it goes with my…” Miguel was cut short before he could finish his sentence. Before he could move an inch there was blue swirling portal under Miguel and Naj’s hands could be seen ripping him into the ground.
“How did you?” I went to ask Naj where he went but he was already gone. It didn’t matter that just left Tulio who may or may not be a brother of Tooli (I will need to check on that)and Tulio was running head first at the Lord Carriage with a Flaming Sword and Shield with black cover. Zodiark and Grebinar stopped him from going down the trail. I prevented his retreat, with little option Tulio though he would jump in the carriage and test his Metal against our Lord.
***Crash Boom Bang Boink OBSCENITIES CRASH BOOM CRASH SHATTER SOUND***
That carriage was a rocking and when Nymbous’s carriage is a rockin general rule is don’t go a knocking. That is of course unless you just saw a Sword Wielding bandit enter. Just as I was about to enter the carriage ****THUD** I was hit by a flying Bandit hog tied and ready for prosecution.

“I guess the lord Needs to take care of all the light work” Sir Nymbous said poking his head out of his carriage.
***PZZZZT SCHWIP ZZZERT gernal portal sound*** “Hey Guys I’m back” Naj exclaimed.
“Just in time Sir Naj.. Take this roughie to Nedcatraz Floating Detention Facility. We will process him next week. Debido Proceso that’s what we always say” Lord Nymbous decreed.

“Detention Facility I just dropped the other guy off in a volcano…..You know what yeah debido proceso..Gotcha boss” Naj said quickly before grabbing Tulio and vanishing. 
***PZZZZT SCHWIP ZZZERT general portal sound***
The rain started letting up. It always seems when the weather gets clearer so do your thoughts.
It’s then I recognized something..something out of place… the corner of the shield cover had come off and revealed something shiny something reflective. I quickly tore off the shield cover only to be rated with insults from a very very angry Magic mirror. It was our Magic Mirror the one the only, Hurtful Angry Ridiculous Rare Omnipresent Loud Decoration Making Irrational Random Ridiculously Obvious Results or H.a.r.r.y M.i.r.r.o.r for short.
"You no good Neden boys always leaving things about..Why when I was once hung up in the Majesty of Centaurs palace he would have never allowed such roughies to break in and steal all his things..No he would have beheaded them or extra headed them whatever the case may be…."Harry kept yelling but I started to drown him out, much like I drown out the complaints about our ridiculous petitioners guide from our New Boys.
“Harry Calm down buddy and tell us what they got.” I instructed.
“Well Master Syruss the got one dragon, one magic mirror..” Harry started…..
“Stick to the things we didn’t fight or face” Grebinar exclaimed. 

“Well several wands, One Spell transferring Bookend, The Magic Pensic, the Magic Wizard Hat and two magical swords.” Harry Stated. “This will have to wait till after the feast” Lord Nymbous explained. “We have too much to do and Siff Rawlin and Priest Z should already be waiting for us. “I can start the investigation with Sir Naj and Sir Blackie while you guys hit up the feast” Sarrix said from somewhere in the back. “Great Idea” we all agreed. And so it was we fought off a half-baked robbery…well sort of..you see they were successful in robbing us initially. Over the next few hours Sir Naj got some vital information out of Tulio. It appears they didn’t work alone. A man in a fancy trilby hat hired them and gave Tulio’s partner Miguel a fancy Top Hat to seal the deal. So we need to find the “Fancy Bandit Gang” but that is a tale for another time…

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